Interview by Chloe Jackson
At ILO, we often find ourselves thinking about family. How it shapes us and supports us. This month, I had the chance to sit down with someone who has played a pivotal role in our own family story, my mum, Jean Jackson, to talk about what it’s really like to be a hands-on grandparent in today’s world.
Jean, who lives in Spain, has been actively involved in the day-to-day care of her grandson, my nephew, for over seven years. Her reflections on the emotional, practical, and generational shifts between parenting and grandparenting are insightful and deeply relevant to many of us navigating the modern family landscape.
A New Routine, A Familiar Love
‘It’s changed a lot since they were babies’, Jean begins. ‘Now, I mostly look after my 11-year-old grandson.’
In Spain where shared custody is common, Jean lives with her son and grandson during custody weeks to help cover childcare needs. ‘On schooldays, my day starts early with breakfast and the morning school run. Pick-up is at 2pm, when we go home for lunch. In the afternoons, we might go to the beach or the park or go cycling. I help with homework, make dinner, and we all eat together when my son comes home from work.’
Evenings are left for dad and son to unwind together. It’s a routine Jean has settled into which is both structured and meaningful.
The Grandparent Shift
Jean didn’t expect to be so heavily involved.
‘Not in such an intense way,’ she says. ‘I wanted to be a hands-on grandmother but didn’t expect so much responsibility.’
She speaks with insight about how parenting in the 80’s differs from grandparenting today. ‘I think I probably am more patient as a grandmother. I don’t take moods and uncooperativeness personally. I can see the link between feelings and behaviour more clearly.’
She also points to a deeper understanding of the importance of routine – something that’s changed since she was raising her own family. ‘There’s more focus now on health and safety, more routines, less independence for children, more conformity.’
And while the approach to parenting may have evolved, she adds, ‘In some ways it’s more child-centred, child-led. But in other ways, it’s the same.’
Purpose and Joy
When asked what brings her joy, Jean lights up. ‘The love that I feel for them and that I get from them brings me great joy. Being needed and helpful. Having a purpose. Experiencing the world through the eyes of a child. Seeing my own children being parents.’
But it’s not without emotional complexity. ‘There’s been a lot of challenges,’ she admits. ‘The grandson who I spend most time with sees me as a constant figure in his sometimes fragmented life. I’m more like a third parent. I go to school meetings, birthday parties and playdates. My other grandchildren see me more as a grandmother, who visits for a week at a time and does fun stuff with them – not like a parent at all.’
Boundaries and Balance
Respect, Jean believes, is key to making multigenerational caregiving work. ‘Respecting the way your children bring up their children. Respecting each other’s boundaries - time, emotional, differences. Backing each other up when it comes to boundaries with the children.’
And communication is everything. ‘Being able to speak freely and not taking offence, is really important’ she says.
Still, the balance isn’t always easy. ‘It’s hard to keep everyone happy and be where you’re needed most,’ she shares. ‘Family dynamics change all the time. When my first grandchildren were born, I was still working and I had a very old mother who needed quite a lot of my time and energy. It was a bit hectic. Now I have more time to be able to help.’
Making Memories
What does she hope her grandchildren will remember?
‘I asked my grandson this recently,’ Jean says with a smile. ‘He said he’d always remember swimming in the sea with me – we do this quite a lot – and me helping him with his homework.’
And when asked what advice she’d give other grandparents stepping into similar roles, Jean offers perhaps the wisest words of all:
“I wouldn’t offer any advice. Everyone finds their own way and their own limits.”
At ILO, we believe in celebrating every thread of family life – the routines, the responsibility, the joy, the support. Jean’s story is a reminder of the quiet strength and generational love that binds us together.