By Chloe Jackson
When my children started school, we were living in Bristol and they were starting at a pretty big primary school. Now a few years on and living in the countryside, I have had time to reflect on the emotional highs and lows. I am mum to Finnley, eight, and Ruby, six. They each reacted very differently to the challenge of starting school.
Finnley entered Reception in the middle of the covid pandemic, which meant he had missed out on pre-school and hadn’t spent much time away from us before suddenly stepping into a classroom. It was a huge transition, but he surprised us with how quickly he adapted. He would finish the days unbelievably tired and grumpy, but he was always happy to go back the next day.
Ruby joined Reception in 2023 and her beginning looked quite different. She found the change harder and took much longer to settle, something I wasn’t fully prepared for after Finn’s unfazed first footsteps towards independence. Coping with Ruby's struggle at drop-off most mornings was really tough, and I often walked away with a huge feeling of guilt. The reassurance came from knowing that the moment she was distracted with play and learning, she was happy and engaged. The unwavering calm patience of the Reception teachers and learning support assistants helped us both to gain confidence and made all the difference
Life has brought more change since then. We recently moved from the city to a small village outside Bristol, which meant a new, much smaller school for Finnley and Ruby. What felt daunting at the time has become one of the most rewarding things to witness as a parent. Their independence and confidence have grown in ways I couldn’t have imagined back in those first wobbly weeks of Reception. It has reminded me that while these beginnings can be rocky, children are incredibly resilient and often handle big changes with more courage than we expect.
The first day at school or preschool is one of those milestones that can feel huge for both parents and children. It’s a step into the wider world, a place where your child will begin learning new skills and growing in independence. It’s exciting, but it can also stir up a whole mix of emotions.
If you’ve got a little one starting Reception at primary school or stepping into preschool for the first time, you’re probably feeling a combination of pride, nerves and maybe even a touch of sadness. You’re not alone. This transition is as big for parents as it is for children and it’s completely normal to feel pulled in different directions.
The emotional rollercoaster
For children, this change can feel enormous. They are entering a new environment, often with more structure than they are used to. Some will run in without a backward glance while others may cling to your leg at the door. Both reactions – and everything in between – are perfectly normal.
For parents, it can be unexpectedly emotional. You might have been counting down the days to when you could finally drink a hot cup of tea in peace, yet find yourself blinking back tears as you walk home without a small hand in yours. This is a new chapter for both of you and it’s okay to grieve the ending of one stage even as you celebrate the start of another.
Practical preparations that help
While no amount of planning can take away all the nerves, a little preparation can make those first weeks smoother for everyone.
1. Practise your routine early
A week or two before the term starts, try shifting bedtimes and wake-up times to match the school schedule. Mornings are often the trickiest part of the day and a calm start can set the tone.
2. Visit the school or preschool together
If you can, try to attend any settling-in sessions or open days. Even a walk past the building or a peek at the playground can help make the place feel familiar.
3. Label everything
Jumpers, water bottles, bags – if it leaves the house, it needs a name. Children are still mastering the art of keeping track of their belongings and the lost property box can fill up fast.
4. Make mornings predictable
Lay out clothes the night before, sort out bags and make packed lunches ahead of time. This reduces the morning rush and gives you more space to deal with unexpected wobbles.
Supporting their feelings
Children don’t always have the words to explain how they feel, so it often shows up in other ways. They might become more clingy, tire more easily or suddenly resist going in after the excitement of the first few days wears off.They may even regress to bedwetting. These are all normal parts of adjusting and it doesn’t mean they aren’t coping.
When it comes to talking about their day, broad questions like, “How was school?” can sometimes feel overwhelming and lead to a one-word answer. Children often respond better to simple, specific questions that they can build on, such as, “Who did you sit next to at lunch?”, “What game did you play in the playground this morning?” or “What fruit did you choose at snack time?” These smaller prompts open the door to conversation and give you a glimpse into their world without putting them on the spot.
Managing your own emotions
It’s easy to focus entirely on your child’s feelings and forget your own, but your wellbeing matters too. Children often take their emotional cues from you, so looking after yourself isn’t selfish, it’s part of supporting them.
Arrange a coffee with another parent after drop-off or share updates with a friend who understands. This is a big shift in your daily life and it can take time to adjust, so remember to be kind to yourself.
When things feel wobbly
Even with preparation, some mornings might be tough. You might feel guilty walking away from a tearful child or find yourself worrying all day about how they’re doing. Remember that staff are experienced in helping children settle and will let you know if there’s an ongoing concern. In most cases, children recover quickly once they’re inside and engaged in activities.
If the transition seems particularly hard for your child, talk to their teacher or key worker. They can offer insight into how your child is coping during the day and work with you on strategies to help them feel secure.
Cherishing the changes
It’s easy to see this transition as a loss of time together, but it’s also the start of something wonderful. You’ll get to watch your child discover new skills and passions, develop friendships and gain confidence. The stories they bring home, the paintings that use an entire pot of glitter, the new phrases they pick up will give you glimpses into their expanding world.
You’ll also find that your relationship with them shifts in lovely ways. As they grow more independent, the moments you do share can feel richer. There’s something special about hearing their voice tell you about their day, knowing it’s a story only they can share.
A final thought
The early days of school or preschool are a learning curve for everyone. There will be mornings that run smoothly and others that feel like a scramble, days when your child bounds in happily and days when they need a little extra reassurance.
Through it all, remember that you’re both building resilience. These first steps into the wider world aren’t just about letters and numbers, they’re about learning to navigate change and building trust and independence.
So take a deep breath and give that goodbye hug. This is the start of a beautiful new chapter, and you’ve both got what it takes to make it through…even if you do need tissues in your bag for a while.